The Outsider
“A
good teacher will tell you how to do it and a great teacher will
guide you to find your Style”~Unknown
Years
ago I was asked why am I doing Yoga off the mat? It was difficult for
me to explain at the time because I wasn't to sure of the answer
myself. I had been going through this journey of reclaiming who I am
for sometime now. Not so much as to know everything there is to know
of me, but to have more of an understand of my "weakness and
strengths" kind of thing. We all have things we are good
at and then there are those things that torment us with defeat such
as an F5 tornado. If you know me you would know that doing yoga poses
wasn't a difficult thing for me to do. There was something else
within the meaning of yoga. I needed to walk the talk before becoming
a Yoga instructor. So, I decided to just walk...
You
just never know what you may find in the unknown. The fear of jumping
off the cliff is so terrifying that the fear in it self can kill the
action, and even as far as the thought of jumping. The unknown is
such a place for me. I have always been the individual who has to
have one step ahead in order to even think of even doing anything.
This walk, though, was totally beyond anything I could comprehend.
There was no way in hell I was going to know if I was going to fall
or, even worse, die. I walked...
The
walk also meant to go against the grain of my Teachers. They say
"start on the mat and practice....you will find your answer."
Well, there's the beginning of knowing my first weakness. I don't
learn the same way as everyone else. Is it bad? Is it wrong? Is it
not smart, or is it just who I am? Regardless of the answers, I had
to find them myself, and I had to figure out the way I learned. I had
to go through the pain of being the “Outsider” so I could
understand. I had to be brave enough to face the fear of my Teachers
of being upset with me. The kind of upset a parent would be with
there child, because their actions are not anything they taught them
to be. I had to go through abandonment and be outcast, because I had
to be me which was different then all their other students. I also
had to learn the way I learn, which was different than the way the
teacher taught. I had to walk through their angers, disappointments
and flat out not even talking to me. I had to be brave and keep
walking...
In
2007 I began my Yoga journey with a Teacher named Mary Bruce, and she
was apart of my first experience of alignment. Alignment can not be
told how to do it. It is a very personal experience. It is as
personal as your connection with GOD, and your experience is your
own. A great Yogi Guru can see you in alignment and knows how to
guide you there. You have to find it yourself. Mary Bruce guided me
to alignment, and I locked into the yoga pose like a godly strength
was holding me up in the pose effortlessly. I have to say I was
amazed, and I did not know then what I know now, on how magical that
moment was.
In
2008 I took a Yoga Instructor Class with a very well known Yoga Guru.
His yoga is amazing. There is an understanding of about 7,000 yoga
poses, but through out history we have lost most of them. There's a
record of only 3,000 now and most Yoga Instructors know an average of
50. This particular Guru is one of few that knows over 800. He is
well known for his Strength, balance ability and knowledge of
Philosophy of Yoga. The Guru's “Yoga Style” is Astanga/Vinyasa
(which is a very strict form of yoga), but I personally feel this
Guru has taught and practice yoga so long, that the “Yoga Style”
has evolved to their own. Not to say its a bad thing, but that this
Guru has understood the meaning of Yoga and is walking it. Like you
are seeing a Yogi being a Yogi with confidence. That also has the
ability to teach you and guide you to your “Yoga Style”. But, I
even have a problem with this “Guru” trying to force me to a
particular “Style” and not helping me find my own. I will
explain.
As
a “Rebel” I have an incredible ability to squirm out of another
person's “Style”, or when someone tells I have to do it this way
or that way, makes or forces me to be “Their Style”. It's a
subconscious “No” so far into my Soul there is no way to change
it unless you are GOD kind of thing or if it is my say. I will get
out and become an “Outsider” within the teaching. So with that
said, I would like to share the experience of a “Guru” forcing me
into “Their Style” instead of guiding me to find “My Style”.
In
the beginning of most yoga classes the instructor will go through and
ask if there is any injuries or situations that they need to know to
modify your yoga practice. Well, when you go to a “Guru” you are
expected to be 100% no matter what. Well, I was not, and I paid a lot
of money to take this class. There was no refund nor another day to
take it. I had to go and do my best. So, there is no asking if there
are injuries. You are expected to do it right regardless. No excuses.
Well, I have a dislocated clavicle and sometimes it will tire my
shoulder. So much so, the rotation will not go. It was the beginning
of the class and we were on our mats going through yoga poses. We
happened to do a lot of shoulder poses and eventually my shoulder
would not do it right. The Guru came over with an attitude of
annoyance that the student wasn't doing it right, and he adjusted me
into the position with force. That action caused a lot of things. One
most important things it caused was the feeling of being invaded and
internally injured. Then there was external injury. I could not
rotated my shoulder for a good month after that. Needless to say, I
will no longer listen to that Guru. My reason "why" is
there was no awareness of the Student. There was only awareness of
perfection. The Guru did not listen to the Student.
So,
here is the most important thing I learned from that. It is knowing
your teacher and seeing if their “Style” will help you. Because,
when you become an “Outsider” from a very well known “Style”
this becomes another adventure as well. It is like you have found
your Alignment and the new Teacher helps you walk the talk of your
“Style”. The Teacher is not showing you their “Style”.
That
experience took years to comprehend and I have learned a lot of
things from it, but the main point was about “Style” to fine tune
your “Style”. Because I am the only person who can find
alignment, especially when it has to be my own “Style”, I also
have to make a choice to believe it or not. To change its colors,
music and even the “Style”. But, all in all Yoga is about practice..so...I still walk....
Namaste
Indu
